I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
