She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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