I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
