I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
