it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
