Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
