I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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