I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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