I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
