Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
