Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
