Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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