So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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