I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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