my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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