i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
