Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
