my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
