Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
