dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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