I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
