Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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