im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
