Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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