If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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