i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
