Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
