1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
