i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
