she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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