She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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