I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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