my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i've created a new STD.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
