Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
