It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
