Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
