why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
