No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
