pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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