the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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