"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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