I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
