in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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