Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
