Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
