You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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