You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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