Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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