What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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