just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
